Flexibility

In marriage, I have learned that compromise and flexibility are key to keeping a home in harmony. I have also learned over the past 11 years with my husband, that at times, we are both a bit stubborn and set in our ways. Compromise sometimes feels like defeat, and flexibility sounds like a dirty word.

Working with each other to find an amicable solution that fits the life your building together is far from defeat. Sure, there will be long, hard discussions, and heads may bump along the way, but compromise and flexibility and willingness to see views other than your own make life worth living.  What you thought of as good, in the realm of flexibility will become great.  Life is full of twists and turns, and sometimes it's the unexpected things that try our souls, but bless our lives forever.

Yelly McYellerpants

So my fellow mommies, have you ever had a day where no matter how sweetly, lovingly, yet firmly you ask your children to do something, they seem to look right through you?  You know, those moments when those faces are blank and looking at you as if you couldn't possibly be speaking to them? That kind of day? If we are willing to admit it, we all have those days, more often than we'd like to.

  When I had kids, since I waited so long for them, and prayed so hard to have them, I told myself, I don't want to be like "THAT" screamy mommy in the Wal Mart or the grocery store yelling at little Jimmy or little Susie at the top of her lungs...threatening their little lives if they don't settle down.  "Oh my...I will NEVER yell at MY kids that way...EVER!".  I honestly felt that way.  I was mortified when I heard women yelling at their kids.

Fast forward to now.  I have beautiful 8 year old daughter, and an adorable 6 year old son. These children are my world! They are so different from one another, and the ways in which I interact with them to achieve cooperation is greatly varied.  My little girl is a highly intelligent, strong willed, and an independent problem solver. No matter what I ask her to do, she generally offers her opinion as to how she thinks it should be done, or tries to negotiate into doing things her way.  This doesn't bode well with the parental units who just want their children to do as they are told.  Though my sweet girl rarely received a booty whoopin' when she was little, lately, she is playing catch up. Her defiance pushes me to my limits and I get pretty fired up when she is deliberately argumentative.  The boy....ah, the boy....my son is the epitome of all that a little brother is supposed to be.  If I had a dollar for every time I had to utter some strange sentence like "Stop licking your sister's arm!" or, "Do not open the shower door and pee on your sister while she is bathing!", I would be a rich woman.  He is my handful.  He is always getting in trouble, always tormenting his sister, always doing strange things, and always keeping me on edge.

  Through all of the day to day irritation, I try to keep "my chill", but there is always at least one moment during the week where the daughter is screeching something in a voice so whiney and high pitched that dogs everywhere are in agony, and the boy is into something that deserves yet another whoopin', and that is when I go from upset mommy to Yelly McYellerpants.  It's at that point I have flashbacks to before I was a mommy and all the judgemental things I thought of the mommies in the store and I feel terrible for the times I judged mommies without knowing the full story.

The truth is, none of us want to be Yelly McYellerpants, but even the most chilled out mommy in the world has a breaking point. Let's support each other, and encourage one another!  Next time you see a Yelly McYellerpants at a store, don't judge the mom, but wonder what those little boogers Jimmy and Susie did to push her past her chill zone....

Short Order Cook

At the risk of making myself sound really old here, there are some things that go on now that never, ever would have happened "back in my day", as the old folks often say. The older I get, the more accurate that phrase seems to become.  Before I sat down to write this, I searched my soul.  I thought long and hard to see if my heart was in the right place.  Am I just a mommy who is fed up with picky eaters?  Am I getting lazy in my "old age"?  Do I have a legitimate reason to bring this subject up?  Am I the ONLY mommy dealing with this nonsense?  Well...the truth is, I am hearing more and more mommies on the same boat as me.  We have been relegated to short order cook for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for each member of our family, making meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking a much larger, more tedious chore than it should be.

When I was a child, family meal time was a time of joy.  We shared our day, stories, jokes, hopes, dreams, and lots of laughs.  What I don't remember though, is any of us eating anything other than the one meal my mother prepared for us.  Like it or not, it's what's for dinner.  There was something on the table that you liked, even if you didn't like it all, but no one got a special meal made just for them. How did we get away from this tradition?  More importantly, how did I get away from it? 

Looking back, I think of how my short order cook mentality started. First, it was the husband. After my first marriage where I lived under the cloud of mental, emotional, and verbal abuse came to an end, God has blessed me with my wonderful second husband.  God has brought me a very long way from the mess the first hubby left, but I still battle, at times, the fear that I am not good enough.  Because of that, there is an intense desire in me to make sure my current husband is happy, always...no matter what.  When we first got married, every meal was cooked with his preferences in mind. I loved making him happy, and I didn't even care if the foods weren't my favorites, as I grew up eating whatever was fixed....no biggie! Then we added our beautiful daughter.  She was so tiny...and picky...and we were so worried about her not gaining enough weight.  Suddenly, I found myself not just cooking to please the hubby, but now I was cooking whatever my baby girl would eat as well just because she NEEDED to eat. 

Now it is me, my husband, my daughter, and finally our little boy.  He is a laid back little guy and he was pretty much be happy with anything until about a year ago when he realized "if sissy can get something different, why can't I", and suddenly he became a bit more picky with his choices. So that left me cooking the main meal for my husband and I, sometimes the boy would eat with us, but other times he wouldn't, and then I would have to find something to fix for my kids to eat, and generally, neither of them wanted the same thing either. By the time I fixed my husband's plate, and fixed the meals for the kids, my food was lukewarm at best, but mostly cold and in need of a run through the microwave.

It just hit me the other night as I stood by the microwave heating my dinner, that I cooked a nice meal for my family, all while feeling very bad from a migraine, and I should not have to eat cold, reheated food because they simply don't want what I fixed.  I created this monster now I must destroy it. I am taking back my family time for dinner, and like it or not, you eat what I make, or you just don't eat. That is how I grew up, and I didn't starve.  The short order cook has been fired. There is one special of the day and that is it!